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Friday, March 18, 2011

I'm A Model, You Know What I Mean

Happy Friday!!

This has been a very long week. It feels like Monday was two weeks ago. Hard to believe it's been just seven days since the devastation in Japan began. SOOOO much has happened since. Perhaps it's the emotional weight we've all been dealing with that makes time pass by slowly.

This week, I got to do something that I am usually very uncomfortable with. Instead of being behind-the-scenes, protected behind a computer screen in my office, I was in front of a camera. Eek! My work took some promotional photos this week and I helped by being one of the models. These photos will be posted on the Web site, in advertising, in magazines, etc. People are going to SEE me! It's a bit scary. At least I am in the back for most of the photos. Actually, it was pretty fun. I got to have my hair and make-up done professionally, pretending to drink cocktails (they weren't real cocktails, mostly fruit juice and club soda). Though, it was awkward staring into the eyes of a guy I just met and having to hold it for 5 seconds while the camera's shutter was open. I haven't seen the photos yet, but I'm glad I'm not going to be featured prominently in the photos.

Speaking of modeling, I just had to include this song. Gotta love the '90s!

Like most women, I am pretty self-conscious about my appearance. I criticize my hair, my body, my face, the way I talk, the way I move - everything. I envy the pretty girls and silently wish I had more time and discipline to exercise, or to eat better. And then I get mad that I can't eat what I want. And exercising is NOT very fun. It's a problem and I know it, but sometimes I can't help it.

This got me thinking about why I am so self-conscious about the way I look but feel better about revealing myself through writing (like this blog post, for instance). In some ways, writers can be protected by the words on a page. We can write and re-write until the words say EXACTLY what we want to say in EXACTLY the way we want. We can ask for close friends to critique our writing before revealing ourselves to the world. It seems much safer than the flash of a camera that captures a moment without the chance to edit a movement or rewrite an expression (Photoshop aside). Some may say that writers aren't revealing themselves but just revealing their characters' vulnerabilities. I think that's total baloney. In everything we write, we are revealing ourselves. An author can't be completely removed from the story. Otherwise he/she wouldn't have the passion to write it.

So what is it about writing that makes me feel less vulnerable? In essence, we are showing a lot more of ourselves with our words than our physical appearances. And, it takes a LOT more work to have a great novel than to have a great body.

What do you think? Would you rather reveal yourself behind the safety of the written word, or in front of the camera? When have you felt insecure lately? Or better yet, when did you feel totally awesomesauce?

In case you missed my last post (by the low page views, maybe you did!), be sure to check out my attempt at drawing and the very weird adventures of Weirdo the Alien.


  1. I think it's safer to say "when do I not feel insecure"? I was looking at a few photos of me taken by others recently and was horrified. Is that what I look like? I look so fat and gross and this and that. Whereas aspects of the writer are unintentionally expressed through their characters, we at least are allowed to fool ourselves into believing it's not us. But with a picture, our face is on there - no one else's and there's no hiding.

  2. To be honest, I often feel really insecure about my writing. I have a really hard time putting anything out in the world (I know, I not evidenced by my twittering) but being an aspiring author with the need to social network and all that, I really have to force myself to throw my words out there.
    However, I do feel totally awesomesauce when I get good news/feedback regarding writing! Today was an especially good day. :D And congrats on the modeling gig! I can't wait to see the ad and yell at random people, "Yeah, I KNOW her!!"