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Monday, April 18, 2011

What the French Toast?

I don't usually swear. Once in a great while, when I'm really peeved, an occasional "dammit" will slip out. There has been the rare "sh"-word as well. Other than that, all of my exclamations of frustration or anger are pretty PG. I just don't like swearing. So many people use cuss words in everyday conversation, which sounds stupid and unnecessary to me (sorry if you're one of those people). I know swear words are just words. They only have the power to hurt because we let them. But words are powerful, and some I'm just not comfortable using.

So what to do when I stub my toe, or spill water all over my papers, or lose an hour's worth of work because I forgot to hit 'save'? "Gee, that's a shame" just doesn't satisfy. I need a release. Something with a little KA-POW! and a dash of ZING!

Here are my go-to "swear" words that work just as well as the real thing, but without the guilt:

  1. Balls on a biscuit! - This is my phrase of choice lately. I don't know why; I can't remember the last time I had a biscuit. The visual is actually quite disturbing. I also say "Balls!". Bobby on Supernatural has been saying it a lot lately, so that's probably where I picked it up from.
  2. Crap! - No explanation needed.
  3. Frick! - Thanks to Elliot on Scrubs, this word is a very satisfying replacement for the other "F" word.
  4. Crimini! - When I really want to be PG, like when 'crap' is not appropriate. Another one I learned recently is "Crivens", the swear word of choice for a Nac Mac Feegle.
  5. Dang it all! - Hubs uses this a lot, and I often retort with "dang some of it". That will usually make him smile.
  6. What the heck?! - Another typical one. I think "heck" is more satisfying because it has the sharp "k" sound at the end.
  7. Shoot! - No explanation needed.

These words are effective because of the hard consonant, making them sharp and quick. Many of those terms can be enhanced with the addition of "holy" or "freakin'".

What are your alternative swear words? Heard any good ones lately?


  1. My alternative swears are pretty generic, but when my brother and I were in highschool (and were huge 49ers fans), we started saying "Merton Hanks!" as our video game swear.

  2. LOL! I LOVE "Balls on a biscuit!"

    I'm a fan (and regular user of) "Crap!"

  3. @Adam - Oh, the video game swears. Those games turn people into such potty mouths *snicker, Merton Hanks* :)

    @Linda - LOL! I have to be careful not to say that one in public or people will think I'm nuts (uh oh, nuts ... balls ... I'm asking for more trouble).

  4. I love this! I don't swear either, and sometimes I'll let out a long "sooooon of a gun." Racy, I know :D

    I wrote a blog post about how my character needed to swear, and it felt uncomfortable writing those words. Oh, the things we do for art.

  5. Crap is pretty much my standard; however, when I really need something "hard," I end up sounding like Yosemite Sam. Meaning a bunch of random sounds come out of my mouth strung together with "dagnabbit"s and "dang"s. My kids look at me funny. All the time.